December is here and the crazy is setting in. It’s getting too chilly for the kids to go outside most days and I’m attempting to keep the house ready to show at all times. This is not quite the Christmas we had planned. Last night I broke the news to the kids that we won’t be getting Christmas tree this year. I’m probably as upset as they are. It’s a compromise I’ve agreed to make with my tired, overworked, long suffering husband. Only once in our 13 years of marriage have we not had a tree. It was not a good year.
Even as I try to keep the holiday decorating simple, I’m trying to focus on the things that really matter to me this year. What is it I really want? The treasured moments of listening to Christmas music while sitting by the fire in the light of the tree may not happen. But I can still drink hot chocolate by the fire and listen to a Pandora Christmas station. (Our favorite Christmas CD’s were packed up with everything else non-essential). I can take a few moments to cuddle my children. Today we sang Christmas carols and talked about the meaning of the words and their history as a large portion of our school day. My daughter and I were invited to a Christmas Tea on Saturday. I resisted the urge to say no to the last minute invitation, as I am saying no to so much this year, but I decided to make room for it anyway. It’s exactly the kind of thing my daughter loves and we rarely have time to do.
If I’m honest, I’m hoping to be remembered. Not to necessarily get fancy gifts, but that in all the chaos and crazy of getting ready to move that I will feel loved, and maybe even a bit appreciated. (Yes, I realize it sounds a bit entitled and self-centered, just being real here). Because there are definitely days around here, especially lately where I feel like the abused house elf (the Harry Potter variety, not a member of Santa’s workshop team). But I also know it isn’t really about me.
As we sang those carols today I was comforted and reminded of the fact that Jesus came to earth for me. To save me. (Ok, yes all of us, but in that moment I needed a bit of a personal connection). I loved the moment explaining to my daughter the line in Hark the Herald Angel’s Sing.
Rise the woman’s conquering seed,
Bruise in us the serpent’s head.
I told her this means that Jesus came to crush Satan’s head and when he did that, he crushed in the sin in all our hearts too. She liked the sound of that.
While I do crave a bit of peace on earth (my son is launching himself off the coffee table as I type this), what I want most of all is to feel a connection with the Christmas story. That it would be more than a story, and feel as epic and earth shattering as it was, and is. Because God became man to save us from our sin and ourselves; to lift away the veil and allow us to commune more closely with our Creator until the time when we can be together again. What better news is there than that?
Praying for you and the emotional roller coaster that you are on. Christmas is a difficult time to have the house ready to show. May you find some peace and joy amidst all the other stuff going on in your life right now. – Lori
visiting from FMF
Thanks, Lori. I think perhaps the hardest part is having to give up so much of what I love during a time of year that is so precious to me. Making dreams for next Christmas in our new home comforts me a bit. Thanks for stopping by.
Hello! You are my neighbor on the link. You wrote beautifully about what you crave! I understand where you are at this moment. They may not appreciate you right now but they will look back someday and know they had the ‘best mom ever’. God Bless!
Thanks. Mothering is a thankless thing isn’t it? I guess I just hope that when they are grown they’ll still want to visit.