How Far We’ve Come, and Yet . . .

There is something about the new year that always makes me reevaluate my life and usually get frustrated with my lack of progress. Goal setting is good, but impossible standards and overachieving are not healthy, at least for me.

Usually I don’t really make resolutions anymore but I do try to set measurable goals. But this year, like several of the last few, there is so much in flux I’m not really even sure how to plan.

Our house is still under construction. We are in the final stretch and a lot of progress has been made but we still won’t be ready to expand into the new space for a while.

Our church is still under transition with one more major retirement coming in the next two months. While I know that it hasn’t been non-stop, the last two years to feel like one continuous exercise in modification and adaptation, with a side of loss and grief. While there has been some stabilization, it has made me feel a bit as though the earth has shifted under my feet in a place that has been by home for more than 30 years.

My husband is currently working a short term contract while still looking for a more permanent position. So we just take it a month or two at a time, living day to day and trying to plan without a clear picture of what the year will look like for our family.

My job and the organization I work for are in a near constant state of growth but without clear vision. While developing vision isn’t exactly my department, I feel the effects of this every day.

While I know that change is a constant, I could really do with a season or period of time of stillness. Except I don’t get to control the timing and while I know I’ve come so far, it’s not done yet, and I’m tired.

My own life direction feels a little fuzzy as well in light of all of the things above and it’s made me ask some hard questions, almost none of which I have answers for. I’m made some progress but I’m not there yet.