What happened to January? (And most of February?!)
Well we all got the flu and I feel as though I’ve spent most of the month of February recovering.
It’s been usually cold this month which has been making things weird. It can be hard to find time for outdoor exercise when it’s in sub zero. It’s harder to get up in the morning when my toes are already cold before I’ve even gotten out of bed.
Loved
My writer’s group has finally finished critiquing my novel!
It was hard and amazing and the prospect of the another round of edits and pursing publication is majorly intimidating. But sitting in a room full of people who all actually read my whole book (the total number of people besides me who have read it cover to cover now stands at 9) was a surreal feeling. After years of reading disconnected scenes, they got to see the whole story in order and experience the ebb and flow of the plot.
Learned
I’m trying to let go of what I can’t control. I wouldn’t say I’m doing it yet. This phase of life means things about my body are changing that are out of my control. I had a couple recent stressors that would have normally sent me entirely off course emotionally. Now I’m trying to hold my peace. Right now it involves a lot of deep breathing, some whispered prayers as I’m falling asleep, finding healthy distractions and lots of internal talk therapy. (Where I basically try to talk myself into being reasonable and calm when I don’t feel reasonable and calm.)
But I’ve seen measurable signs of progress and growth so I’ll take it as a win for today.
Went Well
I’ve begun the process of trying to address of the issues in my body through new nutrient focus in my diet and working with a functional medicine professional. My test results have been illuminating and my appointments direction and hopeful.
I’m a little terrified by the process but so far things are under the budget I’m willing to spend and fit relatively manageably into my lifestyle.
I know that I shouldn’t expect too much but I’m optimistic that this will all be worth it.
Let Go
Parenting teens is an exercise in letting go, a little more every day and different kinds of things along the way.
I’m still in the slow process of accepting that my kids may have to make some hard choices before they find their way. It’s natural to want to protect them from pain and suffering but my guidance will only go so far.
I’m also trying to release my vision of what their futures might look like. While I never had concrete dreams for my kids, I’m realizing I did have some assumptions and expectations that may not be fully realistic for them, just based on who they are as people.
It’s hard to come to grips with that, but it’s a good reminder that while I am responsible for their care, I am not in control of their destinies.
So it’s not Saturday but at least it’s still February!
Looking forward to a healthier March and hoping I’ll be stronger by April!
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