June has been trying to get ahead of work so I can take some time off in June. Celebrating my daughter’s 16th in some lowkey ways that fit her personality. Planning a last minute mini-vacation in July. Setting summer goals with/for the kids. Trying to figure out my own health goals. Honestly, I didn’t feel like there was enough stellar things to talk about aside from my daughter’s birthday in June, so a June-July combo it is.
Loved
Celebrating my daughter’s 16th was special. We kept it simple, at her request but it included highlights like taking some of her best friends to her favorite (and possibly only) restaurant that has gluten free options she likes, going to see Hamlet with her dad and later this summer going to her first renaissance fair. Nothing magical happens the minute you turn sixteen and it is strange to watch her be an almost adult in one conversation and very much a child (sometimes a toddler) in another. I’m sure the process isn’t much fun for her (and sometimes it isn’t much fun for me either), but it is somewhat gratifying to watch her bloom.
Learning
This has been such a weird summer. Lots of excitement, lots of ordinary. I’m learning to try to listen better to my body while also prioritizing my health as much as I can. This whole year has been an odd journey in that department and honestly it feels like it’s never going to end and I guess that’s the point. I’m working on figuring out what it looks like to adjust to my body’s ever changing needs without becoming obsessed. It’s discouraging at times and nothing is fast but I guess that’s kind of the definition of learning something new anyway.
Went Well
This summer we decided to try a mini-vacay with our kids. We haven’t taken many trips as a family and they have usually been day trips for special occasions. When our kids were young, money was really tight. Then as finances improved we had major medical expenses (even a hospitalization) and some job instability. All the while we were trying to do the “right thing” to get out of debt, stay out of debt and save for the future.
Then things got complicated. Traveling with picky kids and kids with food allergies (especially when those things both go together) is exhausting. So we just didn’t do it very often. We visited family and friends for a weekend or so at a time.
We took a four day trip some place semi local and most of the timer no one seemed like they wanted to go (especially my older teen.)
My social media is flooded with everyone’s magical vacation trips each year and generally I’m OK with that because I know we won’t measure up. We aren’t like a lot of other families.
It was hard when my daughter didn’t want to join us on a hike or when my youngest cried halfway through the hike. I had a day or so of feeling super burned out and felt a little bit resentful that I/we ended up cooking all our own meals because we couldn’t find a restaurant to suit all of our picky crew.
But looking back objectively, it still went well. I was glad we went. Are there things I would like to change? For sure. Will I be able to change those things next time if we try this again? No idea. But I would still like to try it again and make a few small experiences a priority in our last couple of years together as a family.
Let Go
I had a complete panic a few nights after my daughter turned 16. I have always stalwartly refused to embrace the toxic message of “you only get 18 summers with your kids.”
Much of our lives we were very low on money or paying off student loan debt or both. We have had a few small adventures here and there but we have never done a lot of traveling or experiences.
For whatever reason, at this time and place in history, the ideal childhood should involve a lot of both of those.
But I’m was suddenly feeling as though I’m running out of time and feeling pretty good and guilty. We finally decided that we would take one of those adventures we’d been planning only to realize that it cost a lot more than it did when we priced it a few years ago.
I felt like everything was over. Like a window had closed and now it was too late.
I’m was trying really hard to talk myself out of the panic.
There is so much riding on childhood. If you get it wrong your child will hate you, leave home and never come back. No matter what you do your kid will probably end up in therapy.
But the fact is, we are where we are. Like the above mentioned mini-vacay, we can only start from where we are now. I wish I could say we’re throwing caution to the wind and just making the new two or three years as magical as possible, but that’s not true or possible. College is on the horizon and we now need to navigate the debt vs. future financial benefit discussion with each of our kids. We need to navigate the possibility of part-time jobs and increased car insurance payments.
But I am aspiring to let go of the guilt and try to engage in the daily, and find times and places for adventures. (And keep that toxic “18 summers” nonsense at bay as much as possible.)
Well my summer is almost over because August brings the busiest season of my job to the forefront. I’m trying not to over plan but instead make room for joy, relaxation and rest in the next month.
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