This last part of the year seems to be flying by and I’m finding myself with a rare Saturday without somewhere concrete to be. (I have my usual to-do list just nowhere to appear at a specific time).
I love a good Saturday with nowhere to be or go but it’s rare especially as the fall schedule gets into full swing and the holidays quickly approach. In general, we are a family that prefers a slower, relaxed pace of life so we struggle in these kinds of seasons.
Loved
Fall weather! While I don’t like the progressive darkness of fall, I love the crisp, cooler weather and really enjoy being outside this time of year. My job involves less time outside than in the past so I’m trying to make a point to get away from my desk and enjoy the sunny, breezy days, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day.
I’ve been joining the teachers at school outside during recess and soaking up that extra Vitamin D (and the occasional sunburn on the sliver of exposed skin where my jacket was unzipped.)
We’ve been trying to fit in some family walks as well before it gets too dark in the early evening. There is something in me that just wants to store up the joy that these kinds of days bring before winter comes.
Gleaned
There was a prayer conference at our church the last weekend of September/first weekend of October. We only managed to make it to one evening session, and if I’m honest, it didn’t go very well. Mostly because it was the end of a long school/work day and the night before another long school/work day. The logistics were difficult and it was in no way kid friendly. But, the main speaker said something about prayer that I found very helpful. He said that God is pleased with our attempts at prayer no matter how beginner they are.
It reminded me of a favorite quote by Thomas Merton.
“We do not want to be beginners [at prayer]. but let us be convinced of the fact that we will never be anything but beginners, all our life!”
The speaker said prayer should be short, biblical, and said with authority. (He absolutely acknowledged that there are other ways to pray but this is where he lives most of the time).
I keep coming back to this a lot lately. Sometimes prayer can feel like some kind of endurance sport. I look at intercessors the way I do marathon runners. They are amazing and what they do is admirable, but also feels totally unattainable. It was helpful to be reminded that God is pleased with my meager, beginner attempts.
Braved
I feel like I’m just repeating myself these days, but sometimes just getting through the week feels like I’m braving the wilderness. Things continue to be pretty rocky around here. Our fall groove is still bumpy and uneven. Plenty of big feelings to go around. I feel as though I’m in constant motion, either mentally or physically and, at times, I think I’ll just drop.
New therapists for the kids, insurance changes, new doctors because of the insurance changes. Making long overdue appointments for myself and the kids and then actually getting to all those appointments. It feels like it will never slow down.
My anxiety has been pretty high as well which is usually a sign that I’m doing too much. But I can’t seem to figure out what to change to deal with it.
But I’m trying to just take it one day at a time. (I know, totally cliche but also the only thing I can do right now).
Sometimes being brave doesn’t mean facing a huge obstacle. It just means you keep showing up, every day to fight the same small battles again and again.
Achieved
After almost a full month of not writing, I’m trying to slowly get back at it. It’s easy to feel like my work is futile. I feel like I’ll never finish this book or that someone else will tell the story better sooner. Someone who doesn’t homeschool three kids with complicated issues and work a job. Someone more disciplined, single-minded, and driven than I seem capable of being.
But I’m just trying to keep going. I could weep when I think about the finished manuscript of my Lenten devotional that still needs heavy editing before it will ever be available for publication.
This is the time of year when I remember how long ago it was that I finally indie-published my Advent devotional and feel sad that I didn’t market it better. I see how little blogging I’ve done in the last two years and it makes me want to quit writing altogether.
Then I write a few new scenes of my novel and share them with my writer’s group. I remember how it feels to let the words pour out and try to satisfy myself with forward progress slow as it may be.
Like you, I don’t enjoy the increased darkness of fall. I’m using a Happy Light for light therapy. Praying relief from your anxiety, and I’m pinning your Advent devotional!
Thanks! I’m definitely soaking up as much sun as I can before it gets too dark.
Your reflections on the prayer conference sound helpful. And I relate to your something braved and something achieved. So often it is not one big thing that makes life difficult, but an accumulation of little things. And I’m glad you’re getting back into writing. I share many of your concerns about not having time etc. but I have felt challenged lately that there is something God wants me to write and that I need to do it. Even though I think progress will be slow, it is better than not doing it at all. If I wait to feel like I have time I will probably never get started!
It’s true, we will never have enough time. I find I need time specifically set aside to right otherwise it doesn’t happen. (Though this week my writing time got soaked up with errands which irritated me. Hoping to do better next week).
It’s never too late to market your devotional. With the Advent season coming up, you can share about it right now! Congrats on publishing a book, btw. Huge accomplishment!
Thank you! It’s been so many years that it sometimes doesn’t feel like much of an accomplishment. Especially when there are other projects I really thought I’d be done with by now. But you have a good point. If I did it before, I can do it again. 🙂
Bethany, I love fall weather too, but dislike the fact that it comes with fewer hours of daylight! I totally identify with your feelings of just being able to get through a week, sometimes that’s all I can focus on in the midst of overwhelm. Congratulations on the Advent devotional!!
The earlier dark isn’t my favorite but I’m finding extra time to soak up the sun during the day. I find that it doesn’t matter how cold it is, sun of any kind makes my mood brighter.
I 100% agree, being brave is about continuing to show up, whether you feel like it or not. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, some days that’s what I tell myself. I also agree with Megan, just publishing a book is a huge accomplishment, don’t focus so much on what you haven’t done, but what you are accomplishing each day. And, now is the perfect time to share about your devotional, Christmas is right around the corner! I was stunned when I wrote this post for this month that I hadn’t posted anything else on my blog for the month, but it’s seasons and this one has been incredibly busy. Give yourself grace, think about what you would say to someone else in the same situation, and then say it to yourself!
Hooray for soaking up the extra Vitamin D….I’m lating to reading October’s SFS but praying that this new month ahead will be a blessed one for you!
Very true that just showing up and carrying on day after day is a victory and achievement in itself. Great insights about prayer too – I’m so glad that God’s ear is tuned to my short and often wordless praises and pleas throughout the day as well as to the eloquent prayers of the prayer warriors I admire.