Slowing, Silence, and Solitude: Treatment for Hurry Sickness

So now that we’ve identified the problem: We are rushed and hurried and we don’t want to be. The goal is to become unhurried. We need practical tools to get us there.

These can be found using three S’s

Slowing, Silence, and Solitude

Slowing

Slowing is deliberately putting ourselves in positions where we will have to wait. Choose to drive in the slow lane on your commute rather than constantly jockeying for position. Maybe leave a little bit earlier when you first try this out, so you won’t be able to use the potential of being late for work as an out.

Ortberg really likes to challenge us here. He suggests that instead of getting angry at drivers that pass you, try saying a prayer for them. Fast from honking, and any other rude gestures or words that you may be part of your driving routine.

Choose a longer line when waiting at the checkout. Let someone go ahead of you, regardless of how many items he or she is purchasing.

Eat more slowly. Chew more thoughtfully. Take the time to taste and savor what you eat and drink. If you are dining with others, take the time to reflect on and enjoy the company. If you sit at a family table, ask your children about their days, and actually listen to their answers, as you eat your food.

I love this next suggestion of Ortberg’s and I genuinely want to implement it but I’m not sure how. Go through one day without a watch, or looking at your phone. Imagine going about the events of your day, just letting things take as long as they take, and letting each task or conversation come to its natural conclusion. Being less irritated with interruption because there is no rush or hurry to our activities. It sounds like an impossible dream.

Obviously, these are only suggestions. You know your life and your own struggles. As you pray this week, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you how you might challenge yourself to be less hurried in your daily life.

There are two more traditional spiritual disciples that are often difficult to practice but that have very specific applications to the process of unhurrying; silence and solitude.

Solitude

The first time someone suggested that I pursue solitude, I think I literally gaped at her. I was a mom of three young children. I was lucky if I got to use the bathroom without an audience.

I should clarify the difference between time alone and solitude. As I understand it, solitude is a time alone specifically to connect with God and discern who he intends us to be. We are alone and yet not really alone.

Ortberg says “Solitude is the one place where we can gain freedom from the forces of society that will otherwise relentlessly mold us.”

Solitude was described to me as an experience of being rather than doing.

Depending on your personality, you may require more or less time alone. I’m what’s called an introvert which means that I recharge my mental and emotional batteries by being alone. I love people, I love to talk and I intensely need connection with others to feel whole. But, I regularly need time alone or I don’t find myself able to manage these interactions and relationships well. This is especially challenging for me since I am also a homeschool mom. So my children are with me, all the time, almost every day, for virtually all of the waking hours. Sometimes it’s a bit much.

I need time alone but that isn’t necessarily the same as solitude. When I’m alone but I’m reading articles on my laptop or phone, I’m connecting to my external world but not my internal world. The discipline of solitude is about getting to the heart of the matter. The irony of the pursuit of solitude is that it actually makes more room for Jesus because he is the only one who is always with us, but he’s also the one who we tend to let get drowned out and pushed out in the hurried and harriedness of our days.

Our world is constantly surrounding us with the message “Hurry up! Act Now! Move Quickly or you’ll miss out!” In marketing, they call that created artificial scarcity. Making buyers believe that this is their only chance and if they miss it, they will be missing out on something really great.

The church is not immune to this attitude of artificial scarcity. We are often encouraged to buy this new book, do this new course, try this new training, invest in this new initiative, and get on board with the latest “new move” of God. These may all be great things, but there are two problems.

1: We physically and literally cannot do everything.

2: It can lead to constant discontentment. No matter what we choose we feel as though we will be missing out on something better. The spiritual grass always looks greener somewhere else. We think, if only I’d joined that small group, or went on that retreat or joined that mission trip, maybe I would have made more progress or grown more in my faith.

Our journey with Christ may be a race as Paul says, but it is not a competitive one. It’s not about who finishes first or has the most medals or records. Click To Tweet

When we take time alone with God, we strip away all of the distractions and pretenses. It’s just us, as we are.

Ortberg talks about two different but important kinds of solitude, one is short and frequent, the other is extended but less often. Both are equally important.

I’ll admit right here that this is a weak area for me. I do OK finding short times to solitude but extended periods of a half-day, a day or an overnight is not something I’ve ever managed to do. Partly because of the inconvenience and logistics involved in setting it up and the potential expense associated with it.

I have had friends who have taken an overnight at a local retreat center to pray and plan for the future. This is something I highly recommend. While you could do a period of extended solitude at home, I think getting out of your normal environment is fairly important otherwise it can be very easy to be distracted. But if getting away isn’t possible, don’t let that be a barrier. See if you can swap houses with a friend or family member for the day, so at least you aren’t surrounded by your own chores and undone projects.

I find that short regular solitude is something we can find more easily if we know where to look. When I’m alone in the car, I sometimes choose not to listen to anything. No music, talk radio, podcasts, or audiobooks. I just let myself be Ok with the silence.

Look for things on the margins of your day. First thing in the morning, even before you roll out of bed maybe, or last thing before you go to sleep. Take a quiet walk on your lunch break, if you are able. Or arrive to work a few minutes early so you can spend a few minutes in prayer in your car before going into your place of work. Depending on the kind of work you do, there may even be times to experience silence and solitude while you are on the job. Look for those gaps in your day when you can practice experiencing God’s presence and listen for his voice.

The first few times you try to practice this on your own, you may find that you fall asleep. That’s ok. (Hopefully, this doesn’t happen if you are driving, but it might happen if you are sitting in a quiet room in a comfortable chair).

In her book, Invitation to Solitude and Silence, Ruth Haley Barton says that falling asleep when you first try an exercise in silence and solitude is your body and spirit’s way of telling you, you need more rest. Instead of feeling guilty, be grateful for the gift of rest. Commit to get more sleep and try again when you are a bit more awake.

Silence

Another important tool for helping us to “unhurry” our lives is silence.

I find that silence and solitude work very well together. But silence can also stand very well on its own.

Practicing silence may sound nearly impossible. I’m not sure how many bosses would be understanding of an employee’s voluntary choice to give up speaking for the day, especially if you work in a field that involves a lot of talking all day, like in a customer service call center or a public information center.

“I”m sorry sir, I know it’s my job to help you. But I can’t because I’m fasting from speech today.”

Seriously though, looking at silence that way is far too limiting. What if we were to choose silence in a more targeted way, specifically those that would help us to focus on slowing more and loving better?

We could choose to fast from interrupting others. Being hurried often means that we want to accelerate our conversations and interactions. I’ve heard Americans as a culture criticized as listening to respond rather than listening to understand.

Have you ever been in a conversation where you were so focused on finding a spot to break in and give your opinion that you forgot to actually listen to what the other person was saying?

One way to pursue silence is to commit to stop interrupting others. Focus on what the other person is saying and wait until they come to the natural conclusion of their sentence or paragraph. Then if you don’t understand something say “That was interesting, can you explain to me more about XYZ?” or whatever you need additional clarification on. Or simply say “Thank you for sharing that with me.” if it doesn’t require a response.

As someone who loves words and conversation, can I tell you how painful that is to me? I have an opinion and story for every topic and you can bet I want to share it.

But what if I didn’t? What if I choose to be silence and unhurried in my speech, taking the time to actually engage my mind and ears fully in the process of conversing with someone else. This, could be the foundation for deeper and more understanding relationships in addition to also teach me to be less hurried.

What about practicing silence when we would normally choose negative patterns of speech? Swearing, complaining, gossiping are all areas where silence is preferable.

As the old saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Have you ever actually tried to do that? I have, it’s harder than I thought it would be, and it requires constant vigilance.

It’s so easy to slip into gossip or complaining. What begins as a legitimate sharing of concern can quickly descend into something else. Practicing silence is another tool for preventing these unhealthy rabbit trails and also a time to take those thoughts captive before they become words, words we can’t take back.

Have you ever tried using any of the 3 S’s to help your life feel less hurried or to create a closer connection with God? How do you think it might affect your view of life?

This is the third in a series of upcoming blog posts on living an unhurried life. You can find the first post here, and the second here.

I actually wrote this over a year ago as a teacher for our church’s Wednesday night adult class. Bear with me as I figure out how to best share this important area for growth that the majority of us need in our spiritual lives.