Submission has become a dirty word in the body of Christ. We fear even talking about it because everyone has a story of how submission gone awry resulted in abuse or misconduct.
But that doesn’t mean the basic premise is bad. I would not only argue that we have allowed human failings in this area to poison our views on submission but that many of us lack a proper understanding of what Biblical submission means to begin with.
Why do you think we are so scared of submission?
Is it because we really don’t believe that’s what Jesus meant when he told us to love one another or when the Apostle Paul told us to prefer each other?
Or is it because we are afraid of what will happen when we do?
The church today is fond of quoting the words of Jesus. At least in certain areas, but the self-denial bit is hard to swallow.
Mark 8:34
“If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.”
Regarding this passage Richard Foster (the author of the eminent text on spiritual disciplines) says
“Almost instinctively we draw back from these words. We are much more comfortable with words like ‘self-fulfillment and self-actualization” than we are with the thought of self-denial.
Self-denial conjures up all kinds of images of groveling and self-hatred. We imagine that it most certainly means the rejection of our individuality and will probably lead to various forms of self-mortification.
On the contrary, Jesus calls us to self-denial without self-hatred. Self-denial is simply a way of coming to understand that we do not have to have our own way. Our happiness is not dependent on our getting what we want.”
I want to unpack this premise a little bit more, mostly because even as I read it, I doubted it myself.
Do you think it is possible to really deny ourselves without becoming bitter and resentful?
I mean the obvious answer is of course yes, because Jesus did it.
But I’ll admit that I have my doubts in my ability to do this successfully, which of course is as it should be.
If I could do this on my own, I’d be that lovely, sweet-tempered kind of person we all talk about who seems to be bothered by no one and have an unending well of sacrifice and kindness to draw from.
Instead, I am a sinful, selfish human being.
Any ability I have to be sacrificial comes from the work of the Holy Spirit in me alone, I can take no credit. Click To TweetI feel like this self-denial vs. Self-fulfillment is at the cornerstone of parenting in our culture, and in the church as well.
On one hand, I’m seeing in the scriptures where I am called to lay down everything, take up my cross the follow Christ, and on the other I’m being told that I need to take care of myself, make sure I’m happy and fulfilled, not to allow my motherhood to subsume all of my others passions and interests, not to feel guilty when I need a little me time. Those two things often feel like they are at odds with each other.
How do we find a balance between selfish entitlement and martyrdom?
I am of course not speaking of literal martyrdom, at times to use the term feels disingenuous when you consider that Christians the world over die nearly daily for their faith. They are the true martyrs. But the term has come into usage with a different meaning.
Someone who gives up everything, if only to make a show of it, and sometimes even deeply resenting it.
A wise Christian woman once told me, speaking of women’s health, especially after childbirth, that some of us have bought into bad theology. We were meant to be a living sacrifice not a burnt offering. Parenthood, both physically and emotionally, costs us dearly. But it is not meant to destroy us. She was speaking of the physical process of conceiving, carrying and bearing children but I think the metaphor carries out further.
Healthy biblical submission should never strip us of our humanity or our own identity, instead it should affirm to us that our identity is in Christ and his power working in us. Click To TweetWe cannot be a living sacrifice otherwise.
This is the second in a series of upcoming blog posts about the discipline of submission. While some of the sentiments feel especially appropriate and convicting right now, I actually wrote this over a year ago as a teacher for our church’s Wednesday night adult class. Bear with me as I figure out how to best share this important area for growth that the majority of us need in our spiritual lives.
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