I’ve written before about how the last few years of my life seem to be flying by a top speed. The more I try to cram into my life the faster it goes. That used to be a good survival strategy. If I kept busy it made the hard times pass more quickly. But now I find myself running to catch the metaphorical train on a daily basis.

I feel as though time is running out to make my mark on the world. As if I need to accelerate the process of discovering what I was made to do so I don’t run out of track.

I live in a culture that values speed, production, and results over process, deliberation, and longevity. Being first is better than being right. Being louder is more effective than being truthful.

What does success look like through Kingdom glasses? We see it easily in the life of Jesus. He had only a short time to complete his mission, but he wasn’t rushed. He was busy but never hurried.

He took the time to know and love people, even when it wasn’t convenient. He regularly stepped away from the daily routine to reconnect with the Father. He was popular with some, disliked and even hated by others. He never gave his reputation a second thought. He didn’t need a PR or a social media manager.

Jesus’ reactions to the people he encountered was nuanced. Probably because he didn’t rush. He didn’t come up with a pat answer he could give so he could avoid having to focus on each person as an individual.

If you think about it, Jesus was from a little town of no consequence, born into an occupied people, from a people group and social status with little wealth, or influence.

Then he became a traveling teacher with a devoted following of few, while most ignored or despised him. He died a criminal’s death. His life and death were very ordinary and would not be considered a success by modern eyes.

But, his resurrection has inspired unprecedented levels of devotional and debate for thousands of years since. Try as they might, govenments, media and philosophers cannot stamp out his legacy. The power of his simple, seemingly ordinary life has traversed the ages, and his words have outlived those of much of his cultural contemporaries.

Kingdom success will turn the worldly definition on its head. I cannot look at my life in quantitative terms of accomplishment. Because chances are I won’t measure up.

I have a nice house, a husband and three children. My husband struggles with chronic depression, two of my three children carry the weight of diagnoses, in the last year we’ve had more than we could have imagined, gotten by on less than we ever thought we could, and are still trying to find a new equilibrium.

I am nearly 40, the unofficial beginning of midlife, and I don’t have much to show for those years.

But I cannot know the end of the story. I can’t see the impact I make daily on my children, as both their mother and their educator. My interactions I have with others through my writing, my ministry work, or even my weekly trips to the grocery store may never be known. That doesn’t mean they don’t matter.

My only purpose on this earth is ultimately to point to an existence beyond this earth. While I may selfishly want to leave something of myself behind, if I am remembered is of no consequence, only did my life point back to Jesus. I’m still working that out daily, often with fear and trembling.