About nine months ago I felt like I needed to get some counseling. I had come through a very stressful period in my life and I wasn’t sleeping well. My anxiety levels were out of control as well and I was asking serious purpose of life kind of questions. It was both a mental and spiritual struggle. One of the things my counselor recommended was that I try to find time for silence. At first I thought it was impossible. I have three children ages two, five and eight. I have very little quiet in my life. Some days the sheer volume makes my teeth rattle.
She suggested I read the book Invitation to Solitude and Silence: Experiencing God’s Transforming Presence. I began slowly working my way through it. I was encouraged to take my time and not to rush through it as just another item on my to-do list. I’m still meandering through it and in that time I’ve learned a bit about what it means to pursue silence.
I may have very little actual auditory quiet in my house, but I can learn to have silence in my soul. The discipline of silence and solitude has been less about hearing God in the periods of silence and more about those times preparing me to hear him better through the noise and chaos.
I remember the first few times I tried to sit quietly and just breath and listen. I was struck by how much noise there is, even in a quiet room I could hear the children playing on another floor of the house, the traffic going by outside, the neighbor’s lawn mower. I felt like I was being assaulted at every turn. My favorite time to find silence with God is in the shower. I don’t necessarily hear him speak to me but I try to quiet my mind and just rest for a few extra moments while I rinse the shampoo out of my hair.
If I waited until I could find large amounts of time to spend in silence, I'd never pursue the concept. Click To TweetIf I waited until I could find large amounts of time to spend in silence, I’d never pursue the concept. But giving myself small increments, even if it’s just an extra minute sitting in the car before I pick my son up from therapy or embracing the quiet of the house at night if I wake up and can’t go back to sleep, I’m slowly building an ability to quiet myself from within. I know that eventually I’ll be able to experience God’s presence anywhere, silence without the quiet, and peace without stillness. This is something I’m still working on, but I feel the pull of it, the desire to find my center and permission to rest.
I think that I sometimes confuse ‘still’ and ‘silent.’ I know I move all the time, and feel quite self-satisfied when I sit still for five minutes, but my mind is sitll usally going a million different ways. The closest I come to both still and silent is when I’m out stalking birds ;). I think a lot about my Creator whilst wandering around looking for birds to photograph. Sometimes, I capture a perfect shot, and it’s like a benediction to my silence. (Ok, that sounds kind of weird, but when I’m out there, I’m not worried about anything, and I’m having a running conversation with God).
Yes, it is much harder to produce inner stillness than outer silence sometimes. I definitely find it to be a struggle, my mind is always flying lately and I have trouble concentrating on the task at hand because my brain is already three steps ahead. I find being out in nature a perfect way to help with that. I had the chance last summer to go out on a quiet lake with a couple friends in a canoe and it was not entirely quiet, but I was in the front of the canoe and at moments it felt like I was completely alone, and in that moment I could see why nature can draw us closer to God.
Bethany, I really relate to this. We have a sanctuary for unwanted and abused dogs, and the noise level can sometimes be overwhelming, from the yippity-yap of Rufus the Jack Russell to the sharp and peremptory commands of the Heelers (three girls, and I get bossed around a lot) to the basso profundo of Survivour the Rottie, it’s almost never totally quiet.
But in their unlettered enthusiasms there is a ind of peace, and I find myself closest to God when I’m closest to the dogs.
I love your point that even when we can’t have actual stillness and silence around us we can have it in our soul when we pause to take some time with God. Visiting from FMF#33.
I understand the noise level in a house of children is hard to turn off. Bethany, thank you for writing about this. Moms tend to forget to be intentional about creating quietude in the home. I am glad you found your place to ponder and think on the Lord. A good book, as you’re reading yours, is always a way to decompress, isn’t it? God bless you as you seek more time with Him.
I was really intrigued by the title of this post, and I’m so glad I stopped by. I appreciate your candor and the way you described this. I loved the distinction you drew between silence and quiet. Thanks for an encouraging and great post!
Bethany, LOVED this. Thank you for being transparent and giving all the moms of littles out there some hope to hang onto. Glad I stopped by!
Pearl, I’m glad you stopped by too. You really zeroed in on the whole reason I became a blogger. I figure I can’t be the only one who feels the way I do so I might as well be real about it.