photo courtesy of Rachel from Twinkle Photo
One of the hardest parts for me, in the transition to being a stay at home parent was the loss of feeling valued. In a culture that determines our worth based on what we produce or how much we are paid for our services; unpaid, full time keeper of home and children doesn’t rank very high. In fact, we devalue those tasks as “not a real job” and lament the waste of talent and education.
The world around me is filled with voices telling me who I should be and why what and who I am right now isn’t enough.
“Isn’t it nice you get the luxury of staying home with your children?” those voices say. “But when they go school you plan to go back to work and get a real job, right?”
“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just sent them to regular school? How will you save for college if you don’t work?” question the well meaning friends, relatives and sometimes total strangers in the grocery store.
While I feel mostly secure with the simpler and non-mainstream kind of life we have chosen, sometimes it’s hard not to let those voices lead to doubt, both in my decisions and of my value. Is staying home with my children really worth while? Would it be better if I could provide them more material things? Would I be a happier person if I had the regular affirmation of a traditional job where my work was recognized and at a minimum, I had a paycheck to show for my efforts?
photo courtesy of Rachel from Twinkle Photo
Then I am forced to again remind myself, that my value is intrinsic. No matter how much money I make (or don’t), how good I am at household management (or not) and whether my contribution is culturally recognized (or isn’t); my worth is the same. I am a child of God, who in this season of my life is called to be cook, laundress, house cleaner, nose wiper, diaper changer, teacher, calendar coordinator, boo boo kisser and taxi driver. It will not always be this way.
No matter how many times I remind myself of this, I keep coming back needed to remember again. Regardless of the hats I wear and the titles I hold, my name and identity remain the same. Beloved daughter of the most high God. Worth more than rubies, valued for who I am not what I do.
I was a stay-at-home-mom for my 4 daughters and I loved it. I have never cared a hoot about what society dictates my role(s) to be. I guess because I’ve always rebelled against nearly everything society dictates. LOL It’s the people closest to me who have tried to make me see my worth through whether or not I do what they want me to do or be who they want me to be. I’ve made my own path but my feelings of worth have taken a hit throughout the years because of their words and actions. Always remember your last 3 lines of this post and you’ll rise above what they try to tell you. 🙂 I’m your FMF neighbor. #42.
I’ve always considered myself a bit of a cultural rebel myself, but it is still difficult at times to keep perspective. Ultimately we have to do what we believe is best for our families.
Bethany, I can sure relate. When I became too ill to work, all the worth that I had assumed came with that identity vanished. The people I’d known, and considered friends, dropped me.
I had to find my way back to my intrinsic worth, that which Jesus paid for with His life.
#1 at FMF this week.
http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2017/06/your-dying-spouse-324-gates-of-mordor.html
Yes, Andrew! Jesus values us regardless of what our culture says, but it’s definitely easy to default to how others define our worth.
I hate that my worth in society is based on production and how much wages I’m paid. I realize more and more as time goes on that regardless of what our culture says, our worth is based on our loving God. Great post. #fmfparty No. 55