Sometimes I feel faraway from the world around me. Like I don’t quite fit.
But how can I connect with the people I love if I can’t I don’t even know who I am?
The short answer is, I can’t. That’s one of the reasons why soul-care is so important.
Sometimes to find yourself you have to get some distance from others for a while.
I live a life filled with noise, and need. They are lovely, the little needy people in my world (and the bigger needy ones too) but they don’t leave much room for introspection. I sometimes wonder if there is even space for me in my own life. I fill so many roles and tasks, but those things aren’t who I am. Most of them don’t provide meaning and if anything, I feel easily replaceable.
Does it really matter who does the laundry, cleans the bathroom or makes the meals? Do my kids care as long as they get everything they need?
I thought that by this point in my life I’d have fully embraced my value, but apparently I need frequent reminders. Reminders that I am more than a maid, cook, and teacher, as important as those roles are. That where I am and what I do matters.
Today I was overwhelmed with the daily tasks of managing our household, and was reminded yet again, that if we had to pay someone to do all that I do, we couldn’t afford it. Yet, I constantly doubt whether anything I do really makes a difference Whether my children would prefer a nanny and a housekeeper to a mother who has dreams of her own and often wishes she was elsewhere.
What I really need, is to regularly take time away to reconnect with myself. The whole “secure your own oxygen mask first” cliche is hackneyed for a reason, it’s true. If I’m drowning I can’t carry the weight of those around me. I have to take care of myself so I can take care of them. This can mean regular exercise and Epsom salt baths, but it can also mean quiet to hear my own thoughts and dream my own dreams.
Soul-care is an important aspect of self-care because it means that I'm addressing my insides not just my outsides. Click To TweetIf I can’t remember who I am, I can’t do my job. Because as much as I embrace motherhood, it is not all that identifies me. Without it, I would still be a person, and with it I need to continually remember who I am to do it well.
I need to give myself permission to take the time I need, not just once or twice a year, but as often as I need to. Time to ask questions and space to dream again.
A little distance can be a healthy thing when it means I'm stronger and more whole when I'm with the people I love. Click To Tweet
Time away helps us gain perspective. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Great post, Bethany, and you’re so right…soul-self-care is the only real way we can truly care for others.
Y’all inspired a poem. Hope you like it.
As the dreams of glory fade,
that once defined my soul,
I learn of that which I am made,
the steel that keeps me whole.
Everything lies broken now,
the plans and vital schemes
but it’s really funny how
I don’t care what this means.
Cancer’s torn me up and down
but by spirit’s still intact
and it cannot make me frown,
for it’s joy I’ve never lacked.
I may be here at trail’s end,
but not to yield, and not to bend.
Also, this post reminded me a lovely country song by Jessica Andrews, “Who I Am”. I hope it’s OK to hare the Youtube link?
Hang in there, Bethany. Keep taking the space you need but remember this is also just a season that will pass and, sooner than you think, those little needy people will be gone. (They’ll still be needy but in a different way and from a little more distance!) It’s so good to set them an example though.
(Haven’t written my FMF post yet – it’s a little early in the morning here in the UK and I have to get to work soon)
God bless,
Liz
Oh boy – I was right there with you, Bethany…and then you mentioned regular exercise. Ugh, my nemesis! But whatever is good self care for you – do it. And without guilt or regret. Your people will thank you:) And before you know it, this stage will pass. Not a criticsim…just the truth from an empty-nesters will a whole new set of questions! Hope your weekend includes some good moments for some self-care!