Open and Available, If Not Put Together: Redefining Hospitality

My culture has a very specific definition of what hospitality is. I suspect all cultures do.  We think it means having a currently decorated home that is uncluttered if not also clean. It doesn’t include unfinished home renovation projects, baskets of laundry or crumb enrusted kitchen counters.

I heard someone say once that when someone visits your home she should leave feeling better about herself, not better about you. Myquillyn Smith (The Nester) says that hospitality is about function as much as beauty. If there are so many throw pillows you can’t sit, that’s not hospitable. But if the couch is so covered in laundry that someone can’t sit, that’s not welcoming either.

When I let my living areas become chaos for the sake of a friend who needs a break, it’s hospitality. When I go to a friend’s house for dinner, so that they don’t have to pay for a sitter (and we happen to have a helpful mom/MIL nearby who doesn’t mind watching our kiddos), that is hospitality too. When I invite a new mom to the park, or meet up at the library or local science museums, that can be hospitality too.

If I want to aspire to be more hospitable, I need to make room in my life, not just my house. While yes, having a bigger dining room table and a picked up living room, does help make inviting a new family over easier, so does actually having a few open days on the calendar.

Nothing makes someone feel more unwelcome than extending an invitation to get together, only to realize it’s six months or more until you have an opening in your schedule to fit them in.

My culture is not one of margin. We aspire to live a slower pace than many, and yet we are not immune. Some of it is intentional. We plan twice yearly visits to two sets of old friends, as well as see out of town family. We try to have dinner with our extended family at least twice a month. Sometimes local family birthdays and holidays alone seem to fill up most of the available days and nights.

But we need to be willing to flex, even uncomfortably at times, if we want to have lives open to hospitality, no matter it’s shape or size. To make a hospital visit, bring a meal (or take out, if cooking isn’t possible) to a family in crisis, to sit with a grieving friend.