Seeking to Be More Desperate and Less Reluctant: Prayers of a Weary Mom

“Jesus, help me, please!”

This short phrase is uttered by me several times a day, most days. Sometimes through tears, often through clenched teeth. You would think it sounds bad, like my life constantly out of control but I actually consider it an improvement

I feel the need to clarify here, hard doesn’t mean it’s all bad or never enjoyable. It means exactly what I said. Difficult.

One of the more challenging aspects of motherhood for me has been learning to ask for help. Not because I don’t need it, or even because I’m embarrassed at needing it (well, there is some of that) but because I don’t want to inconvenience others. I don’t want to be THAT mom who is always dumping her kids and responsibilities on others. But somehow I mistakenly carried this pattern into my relationship with God.

When I pray for help, I know that I’m asking for a change in my situation, or often my children. But what I know in my heart, though it may not enter my mind as I pray those prayers of quiet desperation, is that more often than not I am the one who will change. My deepest desire isn’t just to get my children to behave, but that I would be the mom they need.

I unfairly project my own parenting failures onto the Father. I am frustrated when my child asks a question for the 100th time, but he is not. I may be exhausted because the baby was up crying at 3 AM and the preschooler had another nightmare, but he neither slumbers nor sleeps and is always available, providing us with his rest. I want to run and hide from my children because I feel so touched out, but his desire is to gather us under his wings. He never tires of hearing from us, spending time with us.

My pleas for help are not a bother or an annoyance. I want to be more like my perfect Father and the only way for this to happen is to continually ask for his help.

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