The 3 AM alarm sounds. Time to feed the baby. My husband and I drag ourselves from bed, I usually have to wake him myself. Nurse the baby, burp the baby, nurse the baby, gloved tongue and lip stretches, bottle feed the baby, pump, back to bed. The only comfort I can take being that I have a partner in this chaos, (without him the whole process would take much longer) and that I can remember when we did this every three hours at night rather than four.
Our life as a family of five has not been as I expected. Slow growing baby with reflux, poor nursing and tongue tie. The two older children have not adjusted as I had hoped. Round the clock, nurse, bottle, pump, repeat. Fitting laundry, meals and care for the other kids in between. Weary doesn’t begin to describe it.
Christmas is approaching fast and instead of my usual excitement over the Advent season, I feel as though clouds are gathering for a storm. The work, the travel, the budget, trying to find balance between enjoyment and unnecessary extravagance. I want to feel the weight of glory, the thrill of anticipation, not a growing sense of dread.
For some reason I can’t get Handel’s Messiah out of my mind. When I used to sing choral music it was one of my favorites.
Take His yoke upon you, and learn of Him,
for He is meek and lowly of heart,
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
(From Matthew 11:29)
Yes, I need rest, not just for my body but for my soul. I want to rest my weary head beside the manger and find the peace that is lacking. To explore what it feels like to be the mother of a baby boy as we celebrate the birth of the Christ child. I may not have the energy to bake dozens of cookies or decorate my house to Pinterest perfection; but I can be expectant; watching and waiting for the weariness to fade and be replaced by wonder.
(I typed most of this post with one hand, a baby on my other arm. I should get bonus points for that).
Bless your weary heart…I remember those days (but just barely – as my youngest is 16 now). They were exhausting. I probably don’t have to tell you that it goes by so very fast but that won’t stop me from doing it anyways. You will blink and they will be grown.
I pray that you will find some quiet moments this Christmas season and that God will bless you and your family greatly.
Lynette
~sitting a couple of spots from you (at #76 this week)
Beautiful words! And YES! You get bonus points! I think it is times like this that we really focus on the true meaning of Christmas…..being able to admit that the decorating and commercial aspect of the holiday is not what’s important. So glad to be your FMF neighbor this week.
Bonus points! I think Christmas will be the perfect time to rest our weary souls.
This is such an honest post, heart felt and well written. And you’re writing! Yeah! I will make you some cookies and pray for rest and an advent of peace for you……and an extra special and blessed Christmas.