Share Four Somethings Saturday: December

December is one of my favorite months. Last year had a lot of weird stuff going on, so I was hoping for something more normal this year. But no such luck. 

As we come to the end of another year, I can’t quite believe it’s almost done. I was busier than I can remember in a long time this year but in completely different ways. I worked more hours at my paid job and yet did less of the personal work I love. My writing and music fell by the wayside, and I struggled to maintain my previously well-established exercise habits. 

I spent more time cooking and baking in my attempts to keep my kids eating (especially the ones that tend to skip meals or live off cheese and bread). 

Something Loved

Saying No! 

That sounds terrible, but I’ve been practicing the art of saying no, and never has it been more necessary than during one of the busiest months of the year.

As Ma Otter says in Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas

“We don’t have enough for regular days.”

Never have I felt more understood by a muppet. Regular days are hard around here, even at the best of times. Then add in Christmas, and well, nothing feels fun anymore. 

So I’ve been saying no to things I don’t really enjoy or want to do to make room for the life-giving things. 

I literally made a calendar appointment to watch Christmas movies with my kids. (I allowed myself to knit or do my nails while we watch but I have to actually be in the room with them, not on the perpiphery cleaning up). 

I said no to good things after we discussed it as a family because I saw that were already had multiple other things every night and I wanted to avoid burnout. 

Something Gleaned

I am, apparently, a weepy, emotional mess for the entire month of December. I used to think it was hormonal or something but I’ve come to realize it is more that I am my father’s daughter. My dad is a pretty emotional guy. But nothing makes him feel overcome more than his feelings about the gospel and redemption. When he preaches he regularly cries at least once. I love this about him. 

As I get older, I’m embracing that I am very much like him in this regard. The mystery of the incarnation, the reality of God with us. I brings me to tears every time. We read so many beautiful Christmas stories as part of school this time of the year and I barely make it through any without having to hold back tears. (Favorites include The Miracle of St. Nicholas, The Christmas Tapestry, and Holly and Ivy).

Part of me feels ridiculous, especially when my kids roll their eyes at me. But I’m trying to grow more comfortable with how I’m made, and I’ve decided it’s totally ok that Christmas does this to me. 

There is a tone of melancholy for the entire season for me, not so much sadness as longing. A mystery that I can’t wrap my mind around but that my heart responds to. 

Rather than fight it, I’m trying to embrace and accept this part of myself. 

Something Braved

This time of year has a history of being a period of transition for our family and this year has been no exception. But mostly, in the end, there has been much to be grateful for. Part of me wants to say that I’ve braved another holiday season but I’ve tried to do more than that. I’ve tried to find ways to thrive, enjoy and engage, all things that have been struggles the last few years.

I am learning to plan and dream again. We have a few major milestones coming up next year and we’ve been figuring out how to celebrate them. I’m finding myself afraid to even think about what I really want because it feels like something will just go wrong and ruin it. If all goes the way we hope, I still have a bit of post-COVID travel anxiety to overcome but I’m trying not to let that get in the way of the planning. 

Something Achieved

I actually got this post up! (Seriously though, if writing has been a struggle, actually posting has been even harder. The number of unpublished drafts I have clogging up my blog queue is sad). 

Mostly I’m glad to have gotten through another year, all of us mostly healthy and whole. To have learned some new things about myself and hopefully become a stronger person. 

I began the year with a ton of work-related responsibilities and what was supposed to be a slow summer workwise ended up being grueling. (Trying to make some plans now to avoid that next year). 

In the spring we began researching and financing a possible home move or house addition/remodel. Neither has happened as of yet, though we are still in talks with yet another contractor. We’d hoped to have a clear plan by the end of 2022 but I’m trying to be Ok with not knowing. 

I guess that is probably one of the biggest things I’ve achieved this year. I’ve further developed my skill of living in uncertainty and constant change. Because that’s usually how it is, at least at our family, and I might as well learn to thrive through it. 

So here’s hoping 2023 is a little more peaceful and predictable but also planning for how to celebrate and embrace joy even if it isn’t.