It’s a new year and some new themes for Share Four Somethings Saturday!
Except, somehow I missed January! (As in, I actually wrote the post but never uploaded it. I guess that’s January for you).
Something Loved
My job! Ok, that may sound weird but let me explain. Before being a stay at home mom I had a series of jobs. As in, they literally put food on the table because my husband was a part time working student and then an underemployed full-time working student. The last job I had before my first child was born was for an educational non-profit. I liked this job, some days I loved bits of it. I didn’t dread going to work for the first time. My boss was nice and didn’t swear at me or throw things when she was having a bad day. (Yep, I had a supervisor like that previously).
But I still felt a sense of relief when I realized for the first time that I didn’t need to get up on Monday and go to work. Fast forward 12 years. Since then I had done interim work at my previous job and enjoyed it. The job itself was administrative, something I was good at but didn’t necessarily enjoy. I’ve turned down similar jobs since then for the same reason. I worked as a virtual admin for my kids’ hybrid academy two years ago and I mostly liked that too. But this year, all three of my kids are enrolled at their hybrid academy, and I work as program coordinator.
Yes, the job is stressful. Yes, I definitely struggle with boundaries and work flow management as a part time salaried employee. No, not every part of my job is fascinating. But I can genuinely say I love my job. I love the way it fits into our family structure. I love caring about what I do and how it moves our school in the right direction. I enjoy being able to discuss strategy and long term planning with the Director of Education (my boss).
So when we had a cancellation for ice yesterday, I was as disappointed as my kids. Because I look forward to going to work, even when it’s stressful, even when I feel overworked, because for the first time in a long time it feels like the work I do really matters and it’s nice to have someone besides my husband, notice that occasionally.
Something Gleaned
I’ve been reminded yet again that I can’t do everything. I’ve had a few very rough days this month where it felt like something had to give. I still don’t have large or long term solutions, but I’m taking very small steps towards trying to change some of my biggest pain points.
Apparently, I’m one of those people who has to be reminded periodically that I am not superwoman. I know that in my head but somehow I keep living like it’s possible. I joke that my job description both at home and at work is that I do ALL the things. It certainly feels that way, and if I’m honest, I both love and hate it. I love being the person that makes life easier for others. I hate feeling like I’m always inundated with tasks and can’t make headway on any of them.
This is the nature (and hardest part) of my job which I do in fact love. (See above under Something Loved.). It is also the nature of parenting. Of parenting neurodiverse kiddos and kiddos with medical issues. Of parenting my specific kiddos and living in my specific marriage. Both of which are wonderful and yet difficult.
I can’t be all the things at work, nor at home. I have to know when to outsource and when to let it go. I have to know how to ask for help and how to say no. I’m working on all of those things and this month was a big reminder of why I need to.
Something Braved
It always feels like January is a reset after the holiday season. While I love Advent, Christmas and New Year, it’s a time where we are all off of our usual routines and it feels good, albeit a little sad to return to normal. My kids have needed this desperately but also fought tooth and nail against it.
Well if January is the reset then February is when I want to quit all the things. It’s been a rough go as we caught up on therapy and doctor’s appointments, assessed our financial situation in light of the paying off of our student loans (yay!), and the coming onslaught of medical bills (boo!). There is still so much that is unknown and undecided. But I know we’ll find our feet and I’m just trying to take it (cliche as it sounds) one step at a time.
Something Achieved
I’ve started writing again! I completely lost my writing routine for the last month and a half. Sitting down and opening the laptop was half the battle. But I was so pleased that once I got over that initial hurdle of forcing myself to begin, the words came fairly smoothly. Every time I think I should just give up writing because my life doesn’t have room for it, my brain is too full for it and my heart can’t take it, I find myself falling in love with it all over again.
So how was your February? Share some of the things you loved, gleaned, braved, and achieved this month in the comments. Or join the link-up here.
Bethany, I love your post! I can identify with the whole job thing too. But eleven years ago I started working for a hospice agency and I LOVE my job too! Isn’t that a blessing when we can enjoy our jobs?
Your something gleaned hits home for me too, as I tend to reach for my superwoman outfit a bit too often. And not only do I suffer, but others around me too. Thank you for reminding us, we’re not superwomen, and the good news? We don’t have to be!
I am glad you found a job you can love and enjoy. It is so important to learn to say no, it’s an important part of self-care and finding balance. I learned it when my husband was in Iraq for a year and NO ONE offered to help me with my kids or anything else, yet kept asking me to do all the things. Um, no. We are not superhuman, we each have a plate we carry and only so many things will fit on that plate. And, our plates are not the same size, what one person may be able to handle and do well, another person may only be able to do half of that, and that’s okay. Good luck finding your balance.
I have such respect for military mamas and those whose husbands are gone large portions of the time. My husband struggles with chronic depression and we have kiddos with complicated needs, but I can’t imagine tackling parenting solo and without support for so long. You’re right, our plates are not the same size and we’re all just doing our best with what we’ve been handed.
Hooray for loving your job! Sooo many cannot say the same but when God gives you a job that fits and that you love – what a blessing!! I really enjoyed your post –
I’m glad you are enjoying your job. I still struggle sometimes with not bringing in anything financially as a SAHM.
I hear you. I felt like that for a long time. The only reason this works for us is that I primarily work while my kids are at school and I work at their school. It’s a two-day-a-week hybrid program so we homeschool the other three days and it’s a struggle to find work-life balance on those days because I can’t fit all my work into the two days I’m on campus. I wish now I had spent fewer years feeling guilty when I was at home full time because now I realize how much I did, mostly because I can’t get it all done anymore.
Bethany, hi! Isn’t it just the best gift to be able to say that you love your job?!
Paying off student loans – a big win! Congratulations! Glad you’ve found your writing routine again. Writing really helps me work on my mental health. 🙂
I love what you said about writing, and so glad you fell in love with it again!