A dear friend passed away a few weeks ago after a long battle with cancer. I’ve never lost a friend my own age before. I’ve lost elderly relatives, and a few young ones. But never another young mom.
We grew up together and were best friends until her family moved away. Years later she and her husband came back to the area. She had a son a year after I had my daughter. We were just starting reconnect when she got her diagnosis and just a couple years after that, they moved again.
We stayed in touch through social media and much of time it was easy to forget she had cancer. She was so full of life. She started home-based businesses and was heavily involved in her church. She never met a stranger and I firmly believe that anyone who had more than a passing conversation with her, left considering her a friend.
Her faith in God never wavered, even towards the end.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and processing this loss. That makes it sound very logical but I assure you there has been plenty of frustration and anger as well, even as I’m forced to cope with my own mortality. But I’m trying to find ways to learn from her, and the way she lived her life.
Live Where You Are
Jocelyn never let having cancer stop her from living her life. She started small businesses, she sang on her church worship team, and she and her husband took their son to Disney every year. I sometimes wonder if that may have been the one blessing on her disease. She didn’t wait for later. This has led me to look at my life and wonder what is holding me back. I’m not about to run up my credit card or go on vacations I can’t afford right now (Disney among them) but I also don’t want to keep saying “later” to too many things. My daughter has been asking about getting to the beach and when I thought about it, it has been five years since we’ve been to the beach, even for the day. So as a family, we’re going to try to make that happen.
I have multiple book projects sitting on the back burner because I can’t seem to get motivated. I may not be able to get as far as I like, but I can make progress if I decide it matters to me. I can’t just keep waiting for things to be different before I make time for the things I love to do.
Prioritize Relationships
As I was driving home the other night, I was remembering one of the last conversations she and I had over social media. I told her my husband was going to be in her city for work and it would probably be a yearly or twice yearly thing. I couldn’t go with him this time and they were returning from vacation on his last day anyway, but we said, maybe next year. Wouldn’t it be fun if I could come along and we could hang out while he was at work? It would be like old times.
Except now there will be no next year.
Don’t wait to have dinner, get coffee or even spend the weekend together. Relationships with the people you love are important but we have to show that through how we prioritize our time. Sometimes that means we have to be organized and make use of calendars. We have particular friends that we see once or twice a year, since we live in different states, but we always make sure when we look ahead to our schedule for the year that we block out a weekend or two where we will take turns visiting.
Other times we need to be more spontaneous. Say yes to the coffee day or play date even if the laundry is piling up or the grocery shopping needs to be done. Not every time, but sometimes. Because we truly don’t know if there will be another opportunity, love on the people in your lives today.
You Can’t Control Life, But You Can Control You
She was always a positive person. She didn’t lie to herself, she knew what she was facing. Even when the news was bad, she provided honest and real updates, often using social media as a tool. She could have been bitter, I know at times she had to be frustrated and angry. But she didn’t allow it to poison her days.
I think of all the times I’ve been angry when my kids got up too early or I had to deal with another meltdown, and I’ve allowed it to ruin and otherwise good day. This lady didn’t allow cancer to steal the joy from her life.
She couldn’t make it go away, but she could make sure her life had meaning and that she was a person who provided such joy to others. She was such a light even within her own family. I can choose the kind of person I want to be, regardless of my circumstances.
I want to be more like her.
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