Photo Credit: ohi007 via Compfight cc

My belly and body feel broken. My spirit is weary as well. Adding this third child has been physically and emotionally much harder than I could have anticipated.  Sometimes I feel like I’m not even a whole person anymore. I’m the broken record who repeats “Pick up your toys. Clear your dishes. Stop biting your sister. Don’t kick your brother.” with little apparent effect. I’m the one picking up, washing and putting away. Staying up too late, getting up in the night and generally wishing I didn’t need sleep at all so I could get it all done for once.

I sometimes feel like becoming a mom has made me a shadow of who I used to be. There was a time when I was fun, creative, and joyful instead of boring, angry and mundane. I can’t say that I lost it all at once, it slipped away slowly like those hours of sleep I’ll never get back. I know I can’t go back in time and return to who I was before. But I want to be made whole.

For the belly that carried four babies, only three of which arrived this side of heaven, to be made strong again. For my creative side to find time and space to blossom. To find joy again, as mom, a wife and as a person. Because I was created to live a whole life, not a fractured one.


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