When Love Is a Choice: How Generosity Can Grow My Marriage

When you first fall in love, it’s hard to believe ever forgetting all the wonderful things about your spouse. But over time, real life seeps in.
In the early days of our marriage, even during our dating, my husband used to say,

“I’ll always love you, because my love is a choice.”

It didn’t seem very romantic at the time. After all, what woman wants to hear that her husband or boyfriend has to work at loving her. But after fifteen years, it’s actually encouraging to know that our relationship is not held hostage by the fleeting feelings of infatuation and romance.

However, I can cultivate these romantic feelings through my generous words and actions towards my husband. I liken marriage to a garden. It’s often showy when full of fleshly planted annuals, but can be even more gorgeous and balanced over time.

I can be generous with my words. Praising him, especially when others can hear me, most notably my children.

This doesn’t meant that I don’t have expectations of my husband, but that I appreciate, often with verbal affirmation, when he meets those expectations.
I thank him each week when he takes out the garbage and recycling. Yes, this is a chore that he traditionally handles and it’s true, I could just as easily do it myself, and I have on occasion. But I still appreciate that he does it and that I know he’ll do it whether I remind him or not.

When he cooks an/or cleans up after dinner, I thank him. Not because he is doing me a favor, but because I want him to know that I notice and appreciate his work. Generosity in my thoughts and words regarding my spouse, helps to keep my marriage healthy. Of course I know my husband has flaws, so do I. But rather than obsess over where he could improve, I choose to highlight when he does right. I can extend him the benefit of my good opinion, believing the best about him first.

I can also be physically available to him (this helps to cultivate romantic feelings as well). Tomorrow I’m going to talk about the premise of the Five Love Languages and the importance of Words of Affirmation, but for some people, my husband specifically, physical touch is just as important. I’m not just talking about sex, which is also important, but just regular physical touch of any kind. Making a point of holding hands, when usually my hands are full or busy. Putting down the work in the evening so I can sit next to him, side by side. Responding to his touch in a positive way even if it isn’t always convenient.

I almost don’t think of this as generosity because it feels more like an investment in future happiness. It may cost me time, energy and my own ego at times, but building up my husband and bolstering our relationship is something I consider more than worth it.

Next – Words Have Power: Being Generous With Our Speech