Words Have Power: Being Generous With Our Speech

When my husband I were dating we read a book together call The Five Love Languages. While often recommended as a marriage book, I find it is incredibly helpful in all my relationships. The basic premise is that we don’t all give and receive love in the same way. Knowing what language the people we love speak, helps us to better express our love for each of them.

One of the languages highlighted in the book is words of affirmation. (The others are physical touch, giving gifts, acts of service and quality time). For some of us, speaking positive words is easy. But not for everyone.

I consider words of affirmation to be my second highest love language. (Quality time being my primary.) But it was also one I didn’t realize was so important until I had children. Why? Because much of the work I did in the early years of motherhood was unnoticed and unnoted.

It wasn’t as if I wanted a parade for every dinner and a medal for every load of laundry, but I needed to know that I mattered, and that I was seen.

Children are not usually known for positive and affirming words. While my middle son is prone to compliments, he can dish out insults just as easily. I’m more likely to get complaints about dinner as gratitude. This is something we are working on as a family.

I don’t yet know what my children’s love languages are entirely. (Though I suspect my daughter’s is quality time and my middle son’s is physical touch). But I also know that all of us need positive words spoken of us and to us.

So much of parenting is teaching and guiding children and by necessity this means pointing out areas that need improvement. It can be easy to forget to be generous with my words and tell my children specifically what they are doing well, especially when it’s something I feel like they already should be doing.

Verbal gratitude is often forgotten in our culture. But I think it’s so crucial. It costs me nothing to thank someone for holding a door, for letting my children and I cross the street when traffic is busy, or when my mail carrier brings the post to the door. All of those are opportunities to verbally express gratitude.

As we explore what it means to cultivate a heart of generosity this month, take the time to analyze your words. Make a conscious effort to be more generous with you compliments and expressions of appreciation, whether or not you have been in the past. Make sure the people you live and work with know that you see them and their hard work.

Try to find something positive to say about everyone you interact with if possible. It’s possible it will mean nothing to them (though I doubt it) but it will change you for the better.

Next – Don’t be Afraid to Ask: Targeting Specific Generosity