Next week I celebrate a significant birthday. I’m still a bit in denial about it. This is a year of big milestones. There is something about these times that makes me want to look at my life and reassess it.
In many ways, my life is exactly as I’d hoped and in some wonderful ways it is better. But in some significant (at least to me) areas, I’ve fallen short.
I set two major writing goals for myself in early 2020. I was going to have published my Lenten devotional by this year and finished the first draft of my novel by this year. News flash: I’ve done neither.
There are still times when both those goals feel completely out of reach. When my schedule is too full or my mind is too tired. When I look around me at other authors who are publishing and sending manuscripts to agents when I just want to finish and know it’s likely that no one will want to publish it. (The publishing world is a competitive place and without an in, it can be almost impossible).
I’m notoriously hard on myself. I guess because I fear if I extend myself too much grace, I’ll end up being lazy. The last few years have been difficult ones for everyone and we’ve had our own special brand of challenges. I can look at those as excuses why I haven’t reached my goals and/or berate myself for letting them get in my way.
Or I can look at the progress I’ve made. My novel has progressed from 5000 words written in one day in the summer of 2018 to 62000 words. I could be disappointed that I’m not done, or proud of how far I’ve come.
My Lenten devotional has been stuck in editing for several years, but some time and perspective have allowed me to go back to my manuscript with fresh eyes and make the final product better.
Other things I’ve accomplished during that time included taking on a new part-time job, walking two children through mental health crises, managing new diagnoses (both medical and psychological), two major job losses, a ridiculous number of job changes, and a global pandemic!
Do I still want to finish my books? Of course! I’m working on plans for how I’m going to make that happen, if not still this month, then this year. But to only look at those two unreached benchmarks is a simplistic and limited view of my life. And, (as I reminded my husband when he reached this milestone birthday just a few years ago) my life is not over. While I don’t know the number of my days, I hope I have a few good years (or decades) left to finish these projects and grow and do more.
How do you respond to unreached goals?
Enjoyed reading your post. I have yet to get started on my writing journey. Many years have passed, spent on raising family. Caretaking of parents and battling cancer for myself and husband. Now I’m wanting to share my story and fear of whatever has kept me at a standstill. Today I finally took the first step and wrote for 5 minutes not long but long enough to begin, reaching this point for me has been an accomplishment. Even with the distractions of family bombarding my space. Thank you for sharing on the day I decided to reach this point on my journey.
And so my dreams do sit in stasis,
hostage now to time’s possession,
but this is not yet the basis
even for a mild depression,
for even though I’ve fallen short,
and don’t know if I will return,
that failure (yes) does not abort
everything that I did learn
on that path that ended here
again this dark obdurate wall,
at least ot if I keep eyes clear
to the climb and to the fall
and give the Lord deserved praise
for the wonder of my days.
Bethany, I appreciate you sharing your book goals and set backs. While I don’t have any answers or even a guess to offer. I’ve been know to think to myself that when I’m facing a set back or hardship that while it’s me feeling rejection, it’s really God redirecting me. I pray 2023 brings some of your goals to fruitation for you. {{Hugs}}
Your neighbor at FMF#19
Hi Bethany. Your post really resonated with me. I had set myself the goal of having my book published by June 2022 and I have not written another word of it, though of course there are reasons. It sounds like you have prioritised well. You will finish your book and your devotional and I look forward to hearing all about it. Blessings on you and your family. We are all a work in progress and only God knows the end from the beginning. On my last significant birthday – my 50th – I celebrated for the whole year and changed my life!! #26