Where and For Who?: Discovering What It Means to Live Generously

I remember when my husband got his dream job last year. It was more money than we ever thought was possible, and we were finally seeing our dreams come true. But probably the second thing I thought (after the first exciting realization that we might actually get out of debt before our forties) was what are we supposed to do with it?

I’ve always believed that while wealth doesn’t come with strings attached, it does come with conditions. The way sometimes there are intentions, or preferences written into a will when you inherit money.

It’s a year later and that job is gone and we’ve been without an income for two months. But that feeling hasn’t left me. I’m still wondering what work God has for us to do. I may no longer have the financial resources that I once had, but I can’t shake off the feeling that there is a call to action, to generosity that cannot be put aside just because my checking account disagrees.

I do not understand this. I am at a time in my life where I have rarely felt so unworthy and yet I have more to say and share and give than in the past. This paradox confuses me, and most of the time I don’t bother to understand it.

That moment when you realize how lucky you’ve been and you wonder what you are supposed to do with it. The word comes down again: give it away. In all the ways, in all the places, at all times.

I have little sense of the fleshing out of this, and I find myself taking small steps through the fog, my hands hold out in front of me, reaching for something solid to hold on to.

I cannot see the path before me, my hands are trembling but I’m trying ever so hard not to be afraid. Because I’m realizing more than ever who I am, and to whom I belong. I know he knows where I’m headed next. Now and forever.

Next – No One Is An Island: Generosity as a Tool for Spiritual Wholeness