We are beginning our last year of homeschooling our oldest child. It’s a very strange feeling to watch her experience a lot of last firsts. Last open house. Last first day of school. Last school photos.
We’re entering that confusing space where she is becoming so strong in her opinions and yet insecure in her decisions. She wants my approval and yet sometimes doesn’t care what I think. (Or at least that’s what she says).
One of the surprises of being in my forties is that a part of me still cares what my parents think and I wonder how I’ll survive without their advice when they aren’t around anymore.
In so many places and spaces I’m beginning to feel like the adult in the room people look to for insight, and in some ways, I finally feel like I have enough experience to offer some. But I still find myself wanting someone further along in life with a different perspective and the older I get, the less of that there is.
We’ve been married for more than twenty years. That’s longer than a lot of people I know regardless of their age. I can’t imagine what it must be like for my parents and their generation when almost everyone they deal with professionally (doctors, lawyers, financial planners) are younger than they are and many young enough to be their children.
I think what most of us want is to feel like someone has given us a stamp of approval. That someone older or wiser than me has looked at my life and called it enough. I think there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting the people we love to think well of us. But there is a greater approval I’m really looking for.
Even if my earthly parents may not always understand me, I have a heavenly Father who knows me inside and out. He made me and calls me good. I have a Savior who died to clear my debt. I have a Comforter who empowers me to live more like Christ. I am not enough but I am being remade, I am born again.
I, too, homeschooled my kids! They are all adults now. I relate to that inner wrestling you describe, wanting the older people in your life to approve of you. The more we press into our relationship with God and experience His approval, the more He prepares us to be that older person who will encourage the next generation, as we wish we had been encouraged. God bless your final homeschool year. Savor it all!
I enjoyed your post! I think we all have part of us that wants others’ approval no matter how old we are, but it really helps to remember that it is God’s approval that counts the most!