I’ve found that everyone has an opinion, on almost everything. (Or maybe that’s just MY opinion? )
I have two or three major areas of my life, both personal and professional, that have needed some major directional decisions in the last year or two. When you are looking to make a potentially huge change it makes sense to get advice from others.
The problem lies when everyone is eager to give their opinion and it’s not applicable. I find that I get lots of the same kind of recommendations, usually things I’ve already tried. Try politely explaining to someone that yes, I have thought of just letting my child go hungry to try to cure pickiness.
People are well meaning and want to help but depending on the kind of relationship you have with the advice giver, it can be exhausting to try to explain yet again the specifics of a situation.
I find this a lot as a parent, especially as a parent of kids with complicated needs. Everyone thinks they have the one solution we haven’t tried yet, or surely we just didn’t do it right. I can’t blame them, I often feel like there must be something out there still, the right program, book or method that will improve my current struggle. But the reality is that sometimes there isn’t an easy answer.
Sometimes we want advice, and sometimes all we really need is prayers and sympathy. But there is also the third option: Godly wisdom and guidance.
It is possible that this random person at the grocery store does in fact have the solution to a multi-year parenting problem despite not knowing me, my kids or the details of our background. Possible, but not probable.
Wisdom, more often, comes from people who have earned the right to speak into your life. The ones who prayerfully walk alongside, to love and support you even when they don’t have any solutions. The ones who aren’t afraid to say they don’t know but then are willing to seek God for insight. Ideas and thoughtful suggestions humbly shared are not the same as quick opinions.
“I don’t know if you’ve tried this but . . .” or even better “I was thinking and praying about your situation and . . .” feels better than phrases like “have you tried . . .” or “Oh, that’s easy you just have to . . .”
As I get older, I still greatly value advice from those more experienced than me. But I’ve also grown the confidence to smile and nod to well meaning opinions, even when they are somewhat inconsiderately shared. Empathy goes a lot further than random solutions, especially without knowing all the facts.
Wisdom is knowing when I have something helpful to share and when helping to carry the emotional load is better.
To read other Five Minute Friday submissions on today’s prompt click here.
having an online sorta friend with children in multiple eating issues I’ve learned to be cautious about offering opinions or advice but have very much learned the value of simply listening and offering prayer. SHE has learned to lean on the advice of professionals and to be creative. 🙂 FMF14
Very well said. So often we – and others – really just want to help, but I guess we all have a tendency to be quick to speak and not so willing to just listen and offer support and prayer. I feel like I’ve been learning to be a better listener my whole adult life, and I’m still working on it! Visiting from FMF#5
Wisdom would be really neat,
and beyond that uber cool,
but I must admit defeat,
because at heart I am a fool
who blunders onward from disaster
to something that is far, far worse,
running hard and ever faster
to outpace the birthright curse,
but, hey, I do not really mind;
I can say at least I’m movin’,
and perhaps, yeah, you will find
inspiration how I’m groovin’
through what surely needs improvement
to God’s laughter and amusement.
So wonderfully spoken. This>>”Empathy goes a lot further than random solutions, especially without knowing all the facts” is so true and wise. I appreciate your message here.
FMF #2
I hear you. You expressed it very well.
Liked “sometimes all we really need is prayers and sympathy.”