I wonder if I should return to running. It seems that I need a boost, something new to break through the sluggish metabolism that comes with getting older. (Not that 35 is old, but apparently my body thinks so). I try to decide which social media platforms to use and get overwhelmed with the intricacies of Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.
I know that I must continue to grow and develop. In the blogging world it is a bit of a grow or die mentality and as a writer I know that if I’m not writing, I won’t grow in my skill and improve my craft. But it’s hard to change. I like my life in many ways, and that includes time to knit and watch Netflix with my husband. It includes days spent taking care of and educating three children. (Ok, I don’t love every part of that, but it is a truly necessary aspect of my life, at least for now).
But the world around me does not remain still. My children grow at an astonishing rate and I can only hope that the development of their spirits can keep pace. As I struggle to fill their ever increasing appetites I worry that I do a less than stellar job of doing the same for their souls. I need to be willing to meet them where they are, to adapt.
I often think God gave me these children in part because of how unlike me they are. I have very specific memories of my childhood, those difficult moments when adults didn’t seem to understand. I try to be sympathetic, and even succeed for a time. But ultimately I must find a happy, middle ground between how I naturally parent, each of my children’s emotional makeup and how God is changing me, as a person and as a mom.
I think I still cling to my fantasy view of the kind of mom I wanted to be. But the reality is, I am not nor will I ever be her. The same is true of myself as a writer, a wife and a woman. This doesn’t mean there isn’t room for growth, but it is not as simple as following a recipe or a road map. It’s praying through each difficult moment, setting goals in pencil and knowing that my Father is guiding my every step.
This doesn't mean there isn't room for growth, but it is not as simple as following a recipe or a road map. It's praying through each difficult moment, setting goals in pencil and knowing that my Father is guiding my every step. Click To Tweet
“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Isaiah 30:21
Ha! Oh yes… My images of me as a mom and reality are quite different. But, I’m amazed at all I’ve learned and am thankful for that adaptation.
I’m so with you friend. Writing and health especially.