A little less than two decades ago, I was a young bride of twenty who imagined she was very grown up indeed and had no concept of the challenges that lay ahead. I was propelled by love, faith, and commitment, none of which have deserted me in the years gone by but the journey held valleys I never saw coming. I may have gained a few pounds and hopefully some wisdom, yet I like who I am and where I am better now. I feel like two decades of marriage is something of an accomplishment and we plan to celebrate a little extravagantly.
How did we get here so soon?
I’m only up this late on a work/school night because my daughter (my eldest child) is at a dance an hour away. It will be near midnight when she gets home and I’ll probably still be awake. I don’t know how many years I’ll wait up for her like this, but for now, I do. I suppose I should worry more, but I figure worrying won’t actually help anything so I’m slowly starting to release my grip on her decisions and breathing my way through when she makes choices I wouldn’t. After years of fighting, she actually wants to go to church youth events and I see small bubbles of hope in the way she interacts with us, even amidst the typical teenage drama and attitude.
How did we get here so soon?
Having turned forty almost two months ago, I feel as though I’ve lost all sense of time. Time has gone from marching on to rushing forward with all the attendant joys and sorrows that come with it.
We’ve had some recent losses; family members, and lovely long-time church members who have gone home to be Jesus. It’s refocused my attention. I’m sure every generation has believed they would see Jesus return in their lifetimes. I honestly never really considered the possibility, but then I also didn’t realize how much things would change in just twenty years.
Will it be soon?
I know that God is outside of time, that a thousand years are as a day to him. As I watch my own children age before my eyes, I can’t help but wonder how humanity must look to our beloved Father. For thousands of years, we’ve mucked about with his lovely creation, forming beauty and chaos often in equal measure. He is long-suffering and merciful, loving but just. The more I think about these things, the less I understand and the more I release my expectations. My mind cannot comprehend what comes after this world of mere shadows. I fear I must accept that it is beyond my understanding and a part of me trembles.
And yet, it is as impossible to stop as the tide, as the growing of my children, as the aging of my parents, as the turning and shifting of the galaxies.
So with a hopeful heart and quaking hands, I pray,
“Let it be soon.”
No-one says to me, ‘Be bolder!’,
for they know I’ve got that cookin’,
and as the world keeps gettin’ older,
I keep on gettin’ better lookin’.
That’s not my responsibility,
I have God to thank for it,
that in His wisdom and ability,
He made an Asian version of Brad Pitt
who makes all of the ladies swoon,
and makes the guys Shrek-envy-green
when I walk into a room
fulfilling every boyhood dream
of being everybody’s longed-for bling
with no need to do a blessed thing.
My mind also went to the passing of time, and in particular, the return of Christ. Like you, I am not sure how we arrived at this point, but may we keep our faces like flint until we one day see Him. Blessings!
I love this post, how did we get here so soon. I really identify with what you say especially about the losses. Love the pic, I found that one too only realised that you had used it too after I posted! Glad I dropped by.
I’m glad to hear that things are going better twixt you and your daughter, time has a way of helping with that doesn’t it? 🙂 FMF21