Making the Impossible Feel Possible Again

It was almost 17 years ago exactly that a bunch of teens and young adults left on a beach trip as friends, and several of us came back as couples, or very nearly so. My husband and I were one of them.
Looking back it seemed so silly, and yet at the time each moment, each interaction felt heavy with meaning.
When he held my hand for the first time and I fell asleep leaning against him in the car on the way home. The awkward conversation we had the following day while sitting on swings at a playground. Our first few dates. (At least the ones we called dates. We had a few before that we insisted were not actually dates).
11 months later we were engaged and 10 months after that we were married.

I was reminiscing last night about those early days. Everything seemed so impossible and yet possible. I wasn’t sure he even liked me. Then I wasn’t sure if he loved me enough to marry me. We weren’t sure my parents would let us get married or how exactly we could afford to if they did.
Of course all of those details were worked out and we faced our share of struggles in those early years, but mostly they were lovely.
It was like we were in our own little honeymoon bubble. Reality broke in from time to time, when jobs were lost or depression and anxiety reared their ugly heads. We always managed to lean towards each other rather than away.
Things are different now. We have three children, and the bubble is long gone.

The responsibilities are weightier, and we need more than ever to get it right. Yet, it all seems even more impossible than in those early days.
Sometimes I just want to grab his hand, close my eyes and pretend we are back the beginning. When all things were tinged with light, and anything felt possible.