There is a great deal of existential questioning going on at my house lately, from all quarters. I am learning to accept this, it is a part of the emotional makeup of the people in my family. Just like I don’t resent the chilliness of winter because I know it will eventually give way to spring, I need to embrace these times of struggle because I know it is necessary for new growth.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t want it to be easier. These seasons don’t have set end dates and there is no calendar or farmer’s almanac to tell me that better times are ahead. This is where I must cling to truth.
We will overcome is meant to be a cry of victory, but I think it can also be one of surrender. I will be overcome but not consumed. I will throw up my hands yet again, and say I’ve had enough, so that I can be sustained by the comforter. I can lay all of my hopes and dreams at his feet, and he is gentle with me.
That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.
1 Timothy 1:12
The Cloths of Heaven
Had I the heaven’s embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light;
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
W. B. Yeats