When I Don’t Want to Be Generous: Fighting With My Selfish Humanity

I have been writing about generosity for two weeks. During this time I have been seriously tested regarding what it means to be heartfelt in my giving.
Sometimes I give because it’s a right thing to do, other times I do it because I really want to. Ideally it should be both.

But I definitely still struggle with selfishness. Maybe this isn’t an issue for you at all. You may have no trouble giving up your disposable income to a worthy cause or that last slice of cake to one of your kids.

Some of it is fear. We live in a culture that constantly reminds us that if we don’t take care of ourselves no one else will. That we can depend on no one but ourselves. This is true to a point, and while I am in favor of healthy self-reliance, extreme isolationism and independence can really just be a cover for selfishness. If I expect nothing from anyone else, than they can expect nothing from me.

This is not how we are meant to live. Interdependent relationships are part of a life well lived. While co-dependence can just be a substitute for responsibility and be unhealthy psychologically, relationships built on a healthy foundation of interconnectedness help to sustain us during times of difficulty.

Without relationships, who is there to share in our sufferings and joys? There is fear of giving too much, and not having enough left, but that leads us back again to trust.Trust in God, ultimately, but trust in the people we let into our circle of intimacy.

In my case, God often uses parenthood and marriage to smooth away those rough edges, but it could also be a difficult co-worker, or an unlikable neighbor. It is always harder to extend ourselves for someone who seems so unworthy. But that is, again, rather the point. We are all unworthy until Christ makes us worthy.
Be generous, even when sometimes you don’t want to. You will be changed and help to change the world.