I’ve spent a lot of the last week in the car. I’ve been hauling my oldest back and forth to theater camp each day, and there have been accidents, construction, and a presidential visit, all contributing to increased traffic.
When I originally agreed to my daughter’s suggestion that she try theater camp, I honestly didn’t know what to think. It’s a pretty intense week and she isn’t the most resilient kid. As we approach the final performance, I’m finding myself nervous. What if she isn’t good at it? What if she panics and freezes? What if she thinks she’s great at it, but actually isn’t? What if she falls in love with this and actually wants to do it for a living?
I had early exposure to theater in church and school productions and loved the experience. It was something I continued doing, at least on a small scale, until college. (Mostly because I spent my time on dance rather than theater). In a brief moment of insanity, I wanted to be an actress but I quickly realized that while I was good at it, I wasn’t good enough and that it wasn’t the kind of life I wanted.
My daughter seems to be more of a dreamer than me. She’s young enough that she is driven by idealism rather than realism. I feel like realism and naivete collided when I was around her age. While it has made my life better, it was also a painful realization.
I don’t want to burst her bubble, but I also hate to see her suffer the loss of dreams, of which she has so few.
Our travel time back and forth also became the source of conversations (with me probably doing far too much of the talking) about why the world is the way it is. I can’t count the number of times I used the phrase
“It shouldn’t be that way, but that’s how it is. Because the world is broken. It wasn’t meant to be this way.”
Because it isn’t just the reality that life as an actress probably isn’t for her. It’s that people aren’t always kind, fair, or just. The world can be beautiful, but also harsh and cruel. That at twelve she is in many ways still a kid and is slowly trying to find her place in a grown-up world.
So I’ll watch her week’s work in tonight’s showcase. I’ll be proud of her for trying something new and hope that she finds her place in this life, even if it isn’t on stage.
A lovely post, Bethany. It is hard to support children in trying something but also to protect them. I remember watching my young son try trampolining, with a bubble of anxiety in the pit of my stomach.
Don’t let your dreams in sad dust die,
for that’s a cost none can afford;
raise them, rather, to the sky
sent unto our Holy Lord,
Who numbers hair upon our heads,
Who knew us ‘fore our birth,
Who’s captured every tear we’ve shed
as we’ve walked this Earth.
He may indeed make clear a way,
or tell you, gently, “No,”
or He may keep things in play
until you come to know
that if you lean in, He’ll be true,
and yes or no, He will come through.
What a nice dream to step out into for her. Sometimes the best conversations are the ones driving in the car as they can be times of one on one conversations. Wishing her well on the big performance Blessings.
~Selah~
FMF#6.
Wishing your daughter well in her big performance, and for her camp memories to be happy ones–regardless of whether she ever pursues acting or not.