Faith, Five Minute Friday, Writing

Upward and Outward: When You Don’t Know Which Way to Go

January 10, 2020 by Bethany 7 Comments

It’s the time of year of New Year’s resolutions. There is something natural in us that wants to look at our lives and make changes, usually for the better (or at least what we think is for the better). I’m a natural goal setter myself (though my follow-through is always a tad wonky) so the New Year simply serves as a natural reset. I often have some time off between Christmas and New Year’s to think about the year ahead and make lists. (Oh, how I love my lists).

This year my goals include more reading (and thus more dutiful use of Goodreads), a fitness check-off list from Fit2B Studio and some new methods for keeping clutter under control courtesy of Kathi Lipp and her upcoming book The Clutter-Free Home.

But some years I haven't really set many goals, certainly not in January or even at all. Sometimes my only goal was to survive. Click To Tweet

In the group personality that is our marriage and family, I am the listmaker and my husband is the contemplative. Where I want to talk something out and come up with an action plan by the end of the conversation, he needs to mull and ruminate. This is both a beautiful and frustrating combination.

But he reminds me that sometimes you can’t just make a list and plunge forward. It’s Ok to have to hang out and wait to see what comes next, to give yourself time to look around, figure out where you are and where you want to go.

As we approach middle life, I sometimes find myself feeling lost. When my children were younger, I had ideas and dreams and no time or energy. But I told myself (and everyone else did too) that there was no hurry, I could get to those things later. Except now it’s been ten years since I became a parent, and I look at those desires and wonder if they are even possible in my lifetime, let alone the next decade. They require money I don’t have, skills I don’t have time to develop and quite possibly giving up things I’d rather hold on to.

What do you do when you aren't sure where to go next? Click To Tweet

Look Up

My children love the stars. We did an astronomy unit last year and the year before had the read the book Follow the Drinking Gourd. I love telling them that the North Star will always help you to orient yourself if you get lost.

Faith is my North Star. If I lose my way, I can look up and figure out where I am. Sometimes I may have to stare up at the sky for a while. The beauty of that extra time spent is that it forces me to take a break from my daily stress and striving and to reach outside of myself.

Reach Out

The second thing I try to do when I don’t know what direction to go next, is reach out. I am in a house surrounded by people (sometimes it feels like too many), in an extended family, part of a local church, a school, homeschool group, and a community. These are filled with opportunities for me to serve some else.

I don't have to have myself all together before I can serve someone else. Click To Tweet

In the time I am serving, the time I am thinking, ruminating and looking for direction, I can be of use. (My husband played me an interesting clip of this interview last night where the guest said something similar. He essentially said when you can be useful, it takes away fear of the unknown and gives you a sense of purpose.) We just have to look out for the opportunity and reach for it when it comes along.

It’s Ok if you don’t have a clear direction right now. But avoid the tendency to curl inward. Look up. Reach out. Eventually, things will become clearer.