Today’s Five Minute Friday prompt is: Willing

How often I fight with or against of my will. I will myself to get up, exercise, take a shower. I try to command my body to eat this and not that. To hold my children a little longer even on a touched out day when my skin is already crawling at 10 AM and what I want most is to have my body to myself. I set my eyes and hands before my page and tell myself to write. Get the story out, make it quick, make it good, make the readers care.

My heart wants to spend more unplugged time with my children while it fights with my head, the keeper of the to-do lists. My spirit wants to sore to levels of new creativity whether in words, or handicrafts, but my mind reins me in with thoughts of shoulds, oughts and budgets. I sometimes forget that my will can serve me, not the other way around. I must bend it to a higher calling.

So if I dare say, “Here I am, I am willing, send me?, what will happen? No doubt my timeline will be upset and my to-do list abandoned. But will I experience more joy and be sustained by peace? Or what if I instead hold up my calendar as a sacrifice and my skills in organization as an offering? Lord, here are my talents, my goals and desires, use me; and if those are in the way of what you want me to do, mold me and change me. Not my will but yours.

Such grand words, followed by the failings of my human frailty when at the first bump in the road I storm the heavens in frustration. The spirit if willing, but the flesh is weak.


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