I didn’t have big goals for my life. I don’t know if I was afraid to ask too much, convinced I would only disappoint myself. I wanted to get married and have a family. Now I’m almost fifteen years into a marriage with three children and I find myself wondering if I should have set a higher bar. I’m not sure what to do next. The kids take most of my time, but I know the next few years will go by like a blink and hopefully there is more life to be had after they’ve gone on to their own adventures.
Is there more to learn about me? This can’t be all there is. While I believe, at least in theory, in the human capacity for growth, change and development, I begin to wonder if I am still able to learn new things. I don’t really have the time or energy to develop new skills, beyond creative ways to convince my daughter to eat something beyond yogurt, hamburgers and PB & J. I didn’t have a strong career track because I had to worry about paying the bills. As the years pass, I see more doors closing than new ones opening.
I want to discover what else is out there. I’ll never stop being a wife and mother, I treasure those parts of who I am. But is there more? And the bigger question, is there room in my life for me find out?